Suck Vyatskoye

      The epicenter of the sucking-licking "sweet masterpiece" is decorated with a scarlet—colored Dymkovsky horse, on which sits a black monster with a human body in jeans and a dog-horse head — either a reference to unhealthy fantasies on the theme of "Bathing the red horse", or the image of St. Christopher the Dog-Headed, or the exorcistic installation "Egyptian The god Anubis saddled the Vyatka horse." This can hardly be attributed even to low-art intrigues, since the seated Anubis is a great specialist in funeral rituals and mummification. However, after repeated magnification of the photos of the Sabantuy lollipops, careful examination and analysis, it was assumed that the Dymkovsky horse was not mounted by a man with a dog's head, but by a man with a head in a skullcap.

      It should be noted that Alexey Cheptsov, head of the Kirov Region Tourism Development Center, posted a photo of the "Sabantuy" lollipops on his page in the social network "In Contact", providing the caramels with a note that "in the Vyatskopolyansky district, entrepreneurs are already producing goods with the logo of the jubilee All-Russian Rural Sabantuy."

      Interestingly, one of the readers Newsler.ru I was not too lazy to calculate that if budget sabantuy investments of 360 million rubles (of which, probably, the Kirov Ministry of Agriculture will pay more than 150 million under a targeted subsidy) are equally distributed among all Vyatka—Poly Sabantuy celebrations (approximately 26.2 thousand people), then each of them will have more than 14 thousand. Whereas Kirov children attending pre- and school institutions are entitled to 66 rubles a day "for food."

      It also became known from sources close to the gray house that about 50 million rubles will probably be spent on the possible transportation of two dozen horses of the Vyatka breed from Afanasievo to Vyatka Polyany. Despite the fact that "an aboriginal horse of the northern forest type, the breed of which was formed by the end of the XVII-beginning of the XVIII century," can be purchased by paying from 50 to 300 thousand rubles.

      And although the Ministry of Finance is "slightly shocked" by the cost of horse travel, budget savings may lead to the return of livestock in the form of "special Vyatka" sausage.

      By the way, readers were not too lazy to create a virtual project for a walking tour of guests on Sabantuy — from Kirov to Polyany, based on the fact that at least hundreds of thousands of people are expected to arrive. Which, if compared with the number of pilgrims of the Procession (20 thousand), will occupy the roadway from the territory of the Zonal Institute to the old bridge.

      However, without paying much attention to the imaginary sketch, the alarm was sounded by the doctors, who estimated that in the district center, where about 150,000 people, including the local population, are planned to be accommodated on an area of 28 square kilometers, artists (the first brigades will leave for rehearsals on June 24) and an "honorary echelon" (2.8 for each square meters of urban area), some mobile toilets will need to be installed at least... three to five thousand:

      "If we calculate that one mobile toilet will be filled to capacity with four visitors in 3-4 weeks, then the latrines, in order not to think about the occurrence of some kind of intestinal epidemic, should go not even to hundreds, but to thousands."

      As one of the epidemiologists reasoned, each person will visit the bathroom "a little bit" at least three times a day. Which, if we trust the forecasts about the number of guests, will amount to 300 thousand visits per day. And this is without taking into account the "dispatch of severe needs":

      "If we calculate that the body's response to each cup of frothy drink consumed will require one additional visit, then we can expect either long stomping queues, or... lavishly watered bushes, doorways, playgrounds and all other objects that are not in plain sight. And I'm afraid to think about "subcutaneous fertilizers" of varying degrees of consistency in the absence of a sufficient number of bathrooms," says the interlocutor. According to the interlocutor, every guest of the holiday should prepare for the fact that there will probably be no mandatory personal hygiene products in the toilets, at least for washing hands or wiping stale body parts. Therefore, you should stock up on at least wet wipes.

      As allegedly told in Vyatskiye Polyany, at the beginning of the month, a local college was given the task to renovate a dormitory for 200 people, but no money was allocated "for cosmetics." The heads of the colleges were instructed to purchase ten beds and fresh sets of bed linen each. Also, the first and second shifts of the Solnechny children's camp were allegedly shifted to accommodate the guests. Tents of the Children's and Youth Tourism Center will be used to accommodate the volunteers.

      It has not yet been possible to find out where and with what amenities the "elite guests" and their entourage will live. Unless we assume that it's in a VIP hotel. Ravil Nurgaleev, CEO of Molot-Armo LLC, a likely contender for the position of a State Duma deputy, was "appointed" as the main responsible for this.

      By the way, on the appeal Newsler.ru When asked by Kazan sources whether Tatarstan is preparing massively for the "Vyatka Sabantuy", they answered very evasively. They say that the population from the villages bordering the Kirov region will of course visit Vyatka Polyany in a related way (160 km to Kazan), although the celebration of the completion of the sowing campaign was held in rural areas of the republic on June 7-8, in Naberezhnye Chelny it is scheduled for the 14th, and in Kazan on June 21 the decree was signed by the President of Tatarstan Rustam Minnikhanov. But allegedly today "doubts are emerging," since in the Kirov region "the population's negativity towards the governor's spending is visible with a poor budget."

      "What can I say to your question, is there a possibility that Rais will not come to Kirovsky Sabantuy?.. Of course, he will come, unless something very unforeseen happens. The topic is political and neighborly... But, as a last resort, the delegation of Tatarstan can be headed by Deputy Minnikhanov. There is a big question about the arrival of the mufti (Kamil hazrat Samigullin). After all, officially the holiday is not a spiritual one, but a secular one."