You can take cover. The question is where and how?

      The authorities of Kirov presented for review a list — probably today the most read document — of 880 objects located in underground passages and parking lots, as well as in the basements of residential buildings and administrative offices. The list includes, among other things, kindergartens and schools. According to the decree, the Department of Urban Economy (DGE) has been instructed to convey the information to management companies and homeowners' associations (HOAs) to create special commissions at district territorial administrations for the "inspection and updating of the suitability" of the already listed and approved objects.

      "As all normal people, we started to study the list of addresses to understand where to run if you are at home or at work when the sirens wail," representatives of several management companies told Newsler.ru. "You know, it somehow didn’t work out right away because, working in the housing and utilities sector, we know these basements — we are not talking about administrative buildings — like the back of our hand. And we are sure that as shelters, many of them seem completely unsuitable."

      By the way, only one of the interlocutors said that despite the tragic situation, he was overcome with nervous laughter: "I look: a bomb shelter in my house at M. Koneva, 13, building 1. The ceiling height is about one and a half meters. I am well over 180 cm tall. I imagined: under the wail of sirens, I crawl on all fours into the basement because there is nowhere else to go, and I want to live. I quietly stand next to a fluffy neighbor's dog... There is horror in her eyes, and not just because I don’t like empty-headed people, but because her owner — a prominent lady — is huddled next to her like the hunchback from Notre Dame. And we all really want to lie down. And also — out of fear and excitement — we think a lot about the little need. But how? Cross my legs?"

      However, according to professionals from the housing and utilities services, it was immediately clear that the list was "compiled randomly, or at best — from a whim": "We are not talking about all the houses, but in many basements there are boiler rooms and heat nodes. Everyone has seen locks on the doors — to prevent outsiders from getting in because these are rooms with engineering equipment, access to which is restricted. And we are not talking about homeless people or teenagers who love solitude, but practically everyone — owners, management company employees, and HOA members. Only specialists with the right to work with the equipment located there are allowed into certain premises. Because otherwise, to access such a 'submerged room', where boilers and electrical distribution devices are located, appropriate permits are needed."

      As the interlocutor explained, to make it clear that this is not made up and no one is being overly cautious, it is enough to refer to the labor protection rules for the operation of thermal power installations. There, requirements are established for workers allowed to operate the equipment: age, medical examinations, briefings, training in safe working methods, and other conditions.

      And here arises the question: how does a room, access to which is normally restricted by safety requirements, suddenly turn into a place for mass sheltering of people? "To put it simply," explains a representative of one of the management companies, "in an emergency situation, I open the door to the basement, where there are rows of pipes that are only new and strong in reports. Panic, a crush, someone accidentally bumped into or leaned against a hot water pipe. A burst? Quite possible. Hot water or steam shoots out from a damaged pipe under pressure. And if it hits the face? Or a child? Who will be responsible later? Simakov with his directive, who may have known but forgot, or me, who definitely knows what not to do?"

      By the way, the management of schools and kindergartens reported that they are quite ready to evacuate children in case of an attack. Where? To the basements of educational institutions, where heat nodes are also often located.

      It is likely that the basements of preschool and school institutions will be — soon or not so soon — maximally prepared to ensure the safety of children. Today, in some of these premises, containers with a supply of drinking water and wet wipes are already prepared. However, many lack toilets, so questions about children's comfort are pressing but currently quite inappropriate.

      By the way, according to readers of Newsler.ru, upon learning about the "shelter facilities," many immediately recalled our material on warning systems. It reported that as early as 2025, the regional government reported that the year before, 227 million rubles were spent on improving the warning system. At the same time, during a recent missile attack, the warning system, according to residents, did not make even a mouse squeak.

      "People must be considered complete idiots to applaud the governor for his 'military feat': supposedly, he established a warning system by sending SMS messages. But where are the loudspeakers, where are the sirens, where is the quarter of a billion rubles spent on them? Therefore, if Simakov said two weeks ago that we do not need bomb shelters, and today — please, here are almost a thousand of them, the only thing left was to wait to find out where the catch is?"

      Interestingly, in response to an official request from OZS deputy Albert Bikalyuk regarding the current readiness of the warning system — let us remind you that in 2024, 227 million rubles were spent on "partial readiness" at 67 percent, and in 2025 they were supposed to report 100 percent readiness — a response was received recently: last year, through the reconstruction of the system, its readiness increased by... three percent — to a total of 70. According to the response, another 50 million rubles were allocated for this.

      So, based on the already spent 277 million rubles, one could expect from the warning system, if not bel canto, then at least a confident voice.

      But for now, the sirens do not even scream in the style of fighting cats. It is likely that when the price tag for reconstruction features a number with nine zeros, then in case of missile danger, we will finally be given sound.